jc

clare reckoned i looked tired today, and that i looked immensely troubled. i feel exhausted, but i enjoy my time in school all the same. it's really quick, we've walked into week 5 of term 1. all that grumblings and complaints i had of cj, of 25, have all ceased to exist.

i came t cj because it was the next best alternative, given my dismal grades. i didnt realise that i'd grow pretty attached to this school. this school with crazy PE sessions, this school with NO lifts, this school with a hall smaller than stmargs. (which is really quite small). i get to know each classmate/friend better as the days go by, bonds forged get stronger, friendship we share deepens. it somehow seems as though, they are the people whom i've been wanting to meet all my life.

everyone here is really nice. perhaps it's the front one gives in front of total strangers, so as to give a good impression. but i've learnt to give people the benefit of the doubt. many people have turned out to be different from what i thought they were. also, if iris were to just judge me based on her first impression(which is quite bad><), we two wouldnt be good friends now.

very soon, the O's results will be out. there is a mixture of feelings. there's the expected fear and anxiety, but yet this tingly feeling of excitement and anticipation. it's like, THE DAY. and i really really do not know what to expect. oh well, as everyone one says, the mark is already fixed. so i can only just cross my fingers and pray for the best, expect the worse.

to stay or not to stay. i really do not know, part of the dilemma i'm in right now. cj is a lovely place, with great teachers(EXCEPT SOME). people are warm and nice, i feel okay in here. and to think about it, i really am glad i did not get accepted into sa. kinda dislike the environment in sa, no offense to whoever's in there. but i guess the place is too big to enable me to feel any kind of warmth. moreover, these four weeks, have been the best ones of my life.

secondary school friends, are slowly walking away. i should have expected this. some are making the effort, but sadly, i really do not wish to reconcile anything. maybe it's because i'm afraid of getting hurt again, or maybe it's because i'm just too tired of playing politics/pretending nothing has happened. i do not know whether it's just a facade, or you really want to be like how we all were last time. so i just take the easy way out, i give up, i walk away. some may say that i'm running away, but let's just put it as, putting everything down and just moving on.

i'm quite upset at how this friend is like walking away, someone i thought that would stand by me. it's really saddening and certainly unexpected. but i guess, it's just a phase of life. it hurts, but yes, life goes on. but surprisingly, i'm not too like, worked up over it. you'd have mattered enough for me to curse and swear like crazy. but maybe i expected it, or maybe i'm just numb to how people walk away already.

i miss ig23. it's like totally gone now. i only talk to say, five people. it's really sad, so much for bonding and keeping in touch and all that shit. but yeah, i'm thankful for 25, and i guess, all these are all expected. so t the people i'm talking to right now, let's all keep in touch okay (:

but as kian says, those who stay will be your true friends. hard to find really. i don't even dare to hope that whoever i have now will stay. i'm really sorry to those friends that i've neglected lately because of school work and stuff. so sorry to brian, yin, dee and yao. we will catch up one day, yeah?

lunch with clare was nice, to think i didnt want to go in the first place. for once, we really talked like after so long. and it felt really comfortable to be in the presence of someone you know you can trust, someone whom you've known for the past two years. thank you clare, (: though you won't ever read this.

so now,
1) make new friends in jc
2) know them better
3) hope they can last

honestly, i dont dare to like wish anymore. because really, i dont want to get hurt anymore. i dont want to mope and be moody anymore. so t whatever that has happened lately, i shall just take it in my stride. i won't let history repeat itself. i'll just get t know you better, and we'll see how. brian, correct move right? hahh.

schoolwork is becoming a pain in the ass. it's like piling up. and with teachers like BENJAMIN STUPID LEE and TOH YF, they just make your ass painer. arion blas is a blessing, he's so cute and helpful. learn from hinm luh BENJAMIN LEE. stop throwing your stupid temper around for us to laugh at. gets really amusing. hahah.

iris, thankyou so much for being there. and for that little shoutout on your blog >< i think things will come around eventually.. i just have to wait sometime. dont hesistate to whine t me okay, we're all in the same boat (: dont feel irritating also, HAHA. we must mustmust keep in touch after we leave each other okay. things suck now, with 23 and all. and you're really like me, so maybe that's why we click, pretty well. haha. i'll be here always. and let's hope things will work out soon, so we can all be happy souls (: (: